Finding Beauty in the Wild

Today has been a hard day. Honestly, yesterday was too. I won't lie, I drank yesterday. Yesterday I didn't care. Today I've gotten some things done around the house and then I'm right back in bed. My youngest daughter came and snuggled me for a bit and I couldn't hold back the tears. She said "what's wrong Momma?" I said I just miss my dad, and the reality that he won't be here for the holidays is really hard. She started to cry. "I miss him too." We talked about his goofiness and his hugs, what we miss most. And how it is okay to cry, and go days without crying. All the feelings are okay. I held her, and she held her baby doll. She just laid there in my arms, knowing that this was okay to feel this way. She said "I didn't get much time with him..." and we cried some more. Oh how I wish I could hear him again...just to know everything is going to be okay. So today I'm thankful for the memories we can share through laught...

It has been 28 Thursdays. The pain isn't as sharp now. I will always carry a little bit of a sting. Today I got in the car and the song on the radio had me tearing up. That's how it is now. I can go a string of days without crying, and then bam it hits me. Liam randomly will talk about you. "I love Pawpaw", when he sees your picture. Will he always remember you? I hope so. The holidays are around the corner, and I know we will try our best to push through. It's going to be difficult. Not really looking forward to it. But I will forever be thankful for that last Thursday I had with you.