It hurts

The night before my dad passed, we had to ask some hard questions. 
In the event that his heart stopped, he would receive shocks and chest compressions again. 
I asked him if that is what he wanted. 
He said rather confidently, that the shocks and compressions "hurt like hell!".
He didn't want any more pain. 
That was all I needed to hear.
He asked me if I was okay if he left. 
With tears, I said yes. 
He said thank you for being his daughter, and it was an honor being my dad. 
I've been filling my days with what needs to be done but I'll be honest, this hurts like hell. 
I never expected it to hurt this much. 
I've had women of all ages tear up when talking about losing their own daddy. 
I suspect this is just the beginning of my heartache. 
I know I will be okay, but right now this just hurts. 
He went into the hospital on 3-6-15, and today 5-4-2015 we celebrate his short but full life. 
I wish I would have hugged him more, sang with him more and taken more pictures with him. 
I love you DaddyO! 
Your Sunshine

Comments

  1. vanessaalejiMay 4, 2015 at 2:46 PM

    Jessica,

    I'm so sorry I was unable to be there in person today. I'd planned to be, until Amelia got sick and kept me home three days last week. I don't know what you're going through and I don't know how to help, but I am here anyway, any day, should you need me. I'm certain I missed a beautiful celebration of a beautiful man. Please hug your mom and brother for me, and know you are all so very loved.

    ReplyDelete

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