Why Am I Thirsty?

Gonna be brave here for a second. I want to preface this with I am free from legalistic religious views about drinking. But, I noticed something about my grieving process, I wasn't allowing myself to feel it all. I was numbing the pain with a drink. When the kids were on my nerves, I could easily grab something. I've gained weight since my dad's passing. It is due to alcohol and not going to the gym. Yes I'm a busy mom, school just started, house construction, life, etc. etc. I know all the excuses. I own them. But the two things that I need right now are Jesus and exercise, and these are the two things I've kind of avoided. Not completely but not fully pursuing either. It's been a week since I've had a drink, and when the feels come rushing in and I want it, I ask Him to show me. The first time it was Thirst, get some water. The second time, I have enough room for you.  I'm sorry you lost your Daddy too. The third time, you don't have to make yourself feel better. Let me help you. And now, it's okay to rest, but it's time to move. 
The newest song craze "Good, Good Father" wrecks me every time. I can't handle it. I get sad then angry, I had a Good Father, and now he's gone. But I know God can handle my questions and my crazy. I'm loved by Him, it's who I am. There is hope. Pain demands to be felt, feeling it (unfortunately) lets you know it was worth it, it was real. 

Comments

  1. Leah RochaSeptember 20, 2015 at 9:12 PM

    Love your brave! We have to feel pain if we are going to feel love. We have to feel the bad in order to feel the good. To not feel the pain is to shut out the ability to love the ones you have with you. I'm praying for your heart. I'm glad you are being brave and facing the pain.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Leah RochaSeptember 20, 2015 at 9:12 PM

    Love your brave! We have to feel pain if we are going to feel love. We have to feel the bad in order to feel the good. To not feel the pain is to shut out the ability to love the ones you have with you. I'm praying for your heart. I'm glad you are being brave and facing the pain.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousSeptember 20, 2015 at 9:12 PM

    Love this, Jessica. Thanks for sharing your heart and the power of hope.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anna LeBaronSeptember 21, 2015 at 9:29 PM

    I love your Brave. You got this.
    I also know about grief...let me know if you need to talk. Or better yet, let's calendar a coffee date soon!

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousSeptember 21, 2015 at 10:13 PM

    ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤Brave looks good on you!

    ReplyDelete

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