Finding Beauty in the Wild

On May 1st, 2008, I gave birth to my third daughter, Chloe Louise. She was beautiful. When the nurse handed her to me, I gave her the usual mom exam. Ten fingers, ten toes, I looked into her big eyes and smiled. Then I saw something. I immediately called the nurse over and asked her to look at Chloe's tongue. She had three flat white spots on her tongue. The nurse said she thought they were "sucking blisters" from possibly sucking her fingers while in my womb. The blisters did not go away. When she was a month old she started going to an ENT and he had honestly never seen this on a patient before. After his exam and some research he said come back in a month to see if there were any changes. We went in once a month, no changes. As a mother, I was terrified. I was exhausted with bad thoughts. I would stand in my living room with my precious baby in my arms, and cry to God to not take her away from me. That I believed He could and would heal her. I didn't know how, b...

Calling all Princesses! Whether you realize it or not, if you are female, that means you!  I highly recommend that you go to your local library or book store and pick up a copy of Keeping a Princess Heart (In a Not-So-Fairy-Tale World) by Nicole Johnson. I am almost finished with the book and already it has won me over.  Happy reading! Keeping My Princess Heart, Jessica

There was a time when I would pray for more than a hour, read several pages of my Bible in a day. I went to prayer meetings once a week, where praise and worship music was softly playing and the sweet scent of anointing oil was in the air. Oh how I miss it. But what do I fill all my 24 hours with now? With 3 littles, and a house to "run" there's a lot to do! Running around, cleaning, changing pull-ups that should be dry, :) feeding everyone, including myself, scheduling, volunteering, etc. So by the the kiddos get in bed, (for the last time) I am for lack of a better word, spent. Then I look at the aftermath of dinner, and bath time and I feel like I can't stop. Then I turn on the TV and waste some time....really?! Does anyone hear HIM like I do? That internal tug to pick up that pretty purple book (mine's purple...) or to just still my brain for a few minutes...to not just sleep but rest in HIM. My Husband was talking about a men's meeting he went to last ...

Today has been a crazy day, what day isn't? I have been doing so much paperwork, and thinking, then snuck in a 9 minute nap...yes 9 minutes. It was glorious, set my alarm and I conked out! :) Went to school for daily pick up, then off to two different stores. With 3 kids! Ugh! It's never in and out with them...then it was rushing home, quickly making dinner, and as soon as the Mister walks in, I'm rushing out the door for a meeting. I didn't eat anything so on the way home from said meeting I stopped and got a bite to eat. I gave the kid, yes he was a kid, a mere child, my $5 bill and he was perplexed! It was an old bill but I wondered "What the heck is he doing? Doesn't he recognize a $5 bill?" He looked at it, turned it around, straightened it, held it up to the light...the whole inspection of a counterfeit bill. I just chuckled, but I didn't say anything. I thought to myself: man, am I really getting to be that old? He doesn't even recognize the...

I, like many parents this morning, had to get my game face on. It's the first day back to school today for most children after Christmas break. I went to bed earlier than usual and had lunch packed, and breakfast laid out, and most importantly the timer set on the coffee pot! :)  I slept well, but when I woke up, I wasn't sad, just knew that it would be hard. The dynamic at home would be off. Sure we have done this before, several times, this is not our first break. Even though there have been a few fights, there were good times spent together over the last two weeks. I spent extra time this morning telling Ava how much fun I had baking & decorating cookies, doing crafts, and just watching movies with her over the break. She lit up, she knew she was loved and a special part of the family, of my heart.  I have enjoyed the rest, sleeping in, nowhere to be...but now reality hits. School zones, car-lines, and all the activities, meetings, etc. Ah, but Spring Break is just...

Today is a new beginning. It will evidentially end.  Everyday is new beginning. That is so refreshing. When my eldest child was in Kindergarten her teacher would say "It's okay, tomorrow is your 'do-over'!" That spoke to me. And I am well beyond Kindergarten. I get so hard on myself sometimes, that I forget to rest in His Grace & Mercy. Today for me was a good 'do-over' for yesterday! For sure. I thought the following song that has been in my head was very fitting...love it. Sanctus Real- Forgiven Well the past is playing with my head And failure knocks me down again I’m reminded of the wrong That I have said and done And that devil just wont let me forget In this life I know what I’ve been But here in your arms I know what I am [chorus] I’m forgiven I’m forgiven And I don’t have to carry The weight of who I’ve been Cause I’m forgiven My mistakes are running through my mind And I’ll relive my days, in the middle of the night When...